Goodbye 2008

It's about 3 1/2 hours until 2009 arrives so I thought I'd take a few minutes to say goodbye to 2008. All in all I think I can say that 2008 was the worst year of our lives in many ways. However there were definitely good things about it too.

On the bad side, illness played a horrible role yet again. I watched my husband deteriorate so badly. A couple of hours ago we sat and talked. We know we can't control our illnesses but maybe, just maybe we can change the way we react to them. This is something we hope to do next year.

My beautiful daughter had her own highs and lows and came through everything with such grace. She now holds two certificates in childcare and is qualified to run an after school care program. Next year she will start university and be on her way to becoming a school teacher.

Two people affected our lives in very bad ways this year. One, I will never speak of again. The other was a a woman who I had *thought* was a nice person but who in fact turned out to be a paranoid weirdo. She not only attacked me but my daughter as well. It takes a hell of a lot to make me angry but this woman really made me shake my head and just thank God that most people are not like that. Strangely enough I haven't even thought about her until I started writing this recap of 2008 and from this moment I shall never think of her again.

On the good side of things. Well I have met some wonderful, incredible, beautiful people this year. They have touched my life in very profound ways.

Sadly and completely my own fault...I didn't keep in contact with any of my other (older) friends this year. That will change next year and I just hope they will accept me back. I did what I had to do to keep my sanity. I left my normal "online life" and embraced some new things. I had to do it and my real friends know why. Some bad stuff happened in the early parts of this year and I retreated. Next year I will leave it all behind and not let it consume me any more. To my old friends, I am so sorry for stepping away. I may have been out of sight but all of you have remained in my heart. I haven't forgotten a single one of you.

On another good note, I reconnected with some members of my extended family through Facebook and am so delighted with that.

I lost two very dear family members this year. My Aunty Annette died and a couple of months later, her husband, my Uncle Dick died. Their deaths have left such a huge hole in all our lives and some things will never be the same again. All my love goes out to my family in Ireland.

Last week my daughters friend lost her mother. Two years ago her father died. So now my daughter's friend and her young brother are left without both parents. Such sadness. My sincere condolences to Amy and Ashton and their entire family.

In my last post I mentioned all the things I hope to change next year and I'm still hoping to achieve those goals as well as a few others.

I guess that's all I really want to say. So I shall now wish you all a Happy New Year and I hope that 2009 brings you all everything you want. May God bless you all.
Love Lynn
xxxxxx

Life - moving forward

Life seemed to stop for me this past year. Things happened and I guess I gave up for a while. I found out that nightmares can be real and bad things happen to good people. On top of everything else, Brian was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and that has thrown our lives into chaos. I retreated from everything that was familiar to me. I stopped scrapbooking and making art and left the life I knew. I found a knew online life and though I have no intention of giving it up I want to find my old self again. However, I don't want to find the old Lynn of a year ago. Instead I want to find the old Lynn of twenty years ago. I know that woman, who still had fire in her eyes does exist...I don't know where she is but I'm on a journey to find myself again. I kind of miss her. It's going to take a while to get her back but I'm not going to give up. I hate my life. Simple as that. I know that deep down, the things that have made me what and who I am have not been my fault but I feel like I'm drowning and it's time to come up for some air.

I used to love to blog and haven't done so in a very long time. I'm thinking about starting a new blog and documenting my journey. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I'm not quite sure how I am going to go about all the things I want to do. Mmmm, need to do some thinking :)

My heart wants to start scrapbooking again but in reality, I walk into my "studio" and feel nothing. I don't know how I'm going to get around that one.

I have a story...such a story. I want to write it all out if for no other reason than for myself. I think I need to look back and realise that what my family and I have come through is amazing and a testament to our intense love. I'm just not sure if I want to write it privately or in the form of a blog. Maybe my experiences will help others? Maybe not? Yes, like I said above, I need to do some thinking.

For now though, I want to wish all my friends a happy and blessed Christmas. I know I haven't kept in touch with so many of you but know this, you have never left my heart. I love you all so very much. We have been through so much together and next year I will be back in contact with you all.